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“Love practical jokes. This is my best one ever. My buddy asked me to throw throw him a bachelor party and i was like man you want me to do i said. I m a comedian.
I always go for the laughs then i hope we can shake hands and be friends later. But i m gonna fuck up your day and he was like i don t think you ll do that i said. I don t think you re listening. I m already trying to decide how to fuck with you so can we just like not have me do it.
And he was like buddy you ve been to vegas more than any of us you planned the party you get the girl now look. I got him a girl for the end of his party that s what he wanted a stripper. I m not a stripper guy. I never have been a stripper guy.
I don t really care. But he wanted a stripper at the end of his party. That s cool. I wanted the beginning of the party to be for me.
And what did i want to watch what do i like way more than strippers. I like weird shit guys if you re like a man this is about to be some weird shit happen in alley. I m like i m a fucking watch that 100 i love it how weird i wanted people walking out of his party like this what the fuck just happened in there like with some guy walking out with a limp. Like why are my hands dirty like weird shit right where did i think i could find that i went on craigslist in vegas.
Well guys. I have never felt so horny and sad at the same time in my entire life scrolling through scroll through it s all sex stuff..
I don t want that one weird and then we are jumped out the screen of me this woman s advertisement was three words. That s it and those three words were i ll wrestle yeah. And i was like fuck yeah. You will that at least deserves a phone call.
I think right i call her on the phone. She is 6 foot. 2 50. And her special skill is that she ll come over to your house she ll get naked and she ll toss you around for a little while laughter.
I was like well what time can you get here so she shows up and i open the door and she s legitimate six foot. Two fifty right and she s holding a footlong sub in twenty four buffalo wings. Not kidding. And she waves him in my face.
And she goes you got a room where i could go fuel up before the match. And i was like first of all fuck yes. I do right in there and i said second of all you should know that the person you re wrestling today doesn t know there s going to be a match. You know i don t know if that changes your professional approach at all so she goes off into her room.
My buddy comes over and we ve got him stool. Just like this one and my other friends are standing behind him when we get him blindfolded and he s well i don t want to ruin the surprise. You know and he s like no this chair is one ralphie may away from an accident. I ll tell ya.
Oh. You don t think he knows he s 900 pounds..
He fucking knows so um. He s sitting there and he s like i m so excited me too and he says. I m ready and i said okay and i call her out now none of my other friends knew what i had planned so when she walked out of that room naked collectively they were like and as she got closer. I said.
She still had buffalo wing sauce around i was gonna get her napkin. But i was like i m sorry that shit is too funny on your face. I am so sorry so she stands in front of him six for 250 well. I forgot to tell you the best part.
My buddy. Five eight and one forty and like oh. Like a like a like a soft one forty right so the size difference alone like i don t know what s gonna happen. But i m pretty sure i m gonna fucking like it and he says i m ready and i said okay and i take off his blindfold and the only word he could get out of his mouth before she ripped him out of his chair was why laughter.
And she lifted him up like this his little feet were dangling in the air. She s gonna toss him around the room like a rag doll. We were rolling guys she would jump on top of him and he had to push her found out of his face to talk to us you d be like kelly stop. I want you gonna be here.
I can t breathe. What does she smell like buffalo wings. There s one time was she was straddling him like this beating him in the face. With her titties just i don t think you re getting the right visual okay guys this isn t 5 foot 2 110 pound titties.
This is 6 foot 250. Just titties that s how bigger titties were they made that noise through the air..
It was like being hit with a tin missile. Just do that a swollen eye from titty punches. You ve never seen that in the history of fucking never ever i ll tell you that right now. So she thinks her job is done right.
She walks over here to this side of the room. My buddy gets up man. You know what you can tell someone is mad. Where they never take their eyes off of that thing they re mad at so he gets up and he walks away from her like this and then some minam just snapped and he just looks at her knee goes.
I m gonna fuck you up and like a wave of calm crashed over her like serious like bruce lee enter. The dragon calm. She was just like and they ran at each other guys you understand what s happening they re fucking fighting for real now. It s the best gift.
I ve ever given to myself ever are you kidding me they re running at each other i gotta meet me. Know how this is gonna end they re running at each other and my buddy was mad and he screamed no i ll take you down running at each other full speed and he ran into her. I m gonna tell you something he really didn t try to take her down. I ll tell you what he did not all i can tell you is that when his little body hit hers she kind of absorbed him for a second and he disappeared.
I was like where the fuck did he go and then she just shot him out across the room boom. And he slid on the floor. And one of my friends ran up to a woman that just bucket happiny out and she was mad that he challenger and something so she goes suss. You want to see my finishing move me to finish up.
And i grew up with hulk hogan and randy. The macho man savage..
I was like i didn t know she was coming off the top rope or dropping a leg or whatever i wanted to see that shit right so she says to run to him. And she was like finish em and we go yeah. She was finishing moving. We go yeah.
And she goes you want to see the finishing move and we go yeah and then she sat on his hand away when not that finishing move fuck guys his little head disappeared. All you can see were his tiny arms slapping her back like oh. It was a fight for life. I m telling you that right now it was the weirdest shit.
I ve ever seen it was like you reversed birth. It was fucked up and here s how you know you pulled a good practical joke. But good brothel joke is a joke that continues to pay dividends long after the joke is over so like a month and a half after a wedding after the party two weeks before the wedding. I ran into his dad and his dad goes uh.
Hey you re not coming to the wedding. I was uninvited to the wedding that was totally worth it totally worth it you guys want to see how he uninvited me so here s how his dad goes you re knocked over the wedding. I go now and he goes. Why not and i said oh tim didn t tell you and he said.
No what do you got a couple minutes sit down and then his dad used that story as his best man speech at the wedding fucking winner winner. ” ..
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