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“Evening. I m the network and today. I have 100 puns to tell you do do you want to hear a joke about pizza nevermind. It s too cheesy.
Which you used to pick up a rattlesnake someone else s why did it rudolph get a bad report card cuz. He went down in history. Why did the banana put on sunscreen because it was peeling. What do you call two banana peels on the floor.
A pair of slippers. Now. What is a scientist favorite piece of gum experiment what kind of math involves tree branches twig annamma tree how many engineers does it take to repair a lightbulb none that s a maintenance issue. What did one tectonic plate say did the other after an earthquake.
It was my fault do you want to hear a tornado joke nevermind. I don t think you liked the twist in it how did the cheese get hurt at school. It was graded 200. How can you distinguish an alligator from a crocodile.
One will see you later and one will see you after a while okay the past the present and the future walked into a bar. What happened it was tense. What do fractions see decimals and de stress. What has green fuzz and hurts when you fall off a tree a pool.
Why did the can crusher quit its job because it was so depressing. Why are graveyards so noisy because of all the kaufman. Why do flamingos only lift up one foot. Because if they lift it up both they would just fall over what state makes the best cheese.
It s wisconsin. What do you get when you cross a four leaf crow. What do you get when you cross a four leaf crow. What do you get when you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy.
A rash of good luck on st..
Patrick s day. How do you catch a unique rabbit. You nica on it how do you catch a tame rabbit. The tame way why do melons have fancy weddings because they can t elope.
Now. Why can t a person s nose be twelve inches long because then it d be a foot. What medicine do you give the dog with a fever mustard it s the best thing for a hot dog. Which bug always gives thanks before every meal.
A praying mantis. I think i ll just wear one routine. Why just one boot. This is only 50 chance of rain.
What do you call a cow missing its right legs lane beef. How many books can you put in an empty backpack. One is in the sun. I m tingling why are frogs so happy because they eat whatever bugs them what do i eat for breakfast cinnamon buns.
Okay here s a riddle a nickel and a dime we re walking across the bridge. The nickel jumped off. But the dime didn t why does the dine had more sense hey did you hear about the guy who got fired from the calendar factory yeah he just took the day off where do polar bears vote the north pole. What do you call a flower that runs on electricity a power plant.
Why shouldn t you write with a broken pencil. Because it s pointless. If h2o is the equation for water hydration sauce. What is the formula for ice well it s h2o cubed isn t it knock knock who s there ida ida who know it s idaho.
What do you call a sasquatch that makes pots. A harry potter how do you stop a rhino from charging you take away its credit card. Why can t you run in a campground you can only ran because it s past tense. What do vegetables say at party let us turn up the beat.
What do you call a shark that delivers toys at christmas santa..
Jogs. Hey. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon. It s got a great food.
But no atmosphere. What does a balloons least favorite school activity. A pop quiz. I don t trust these stairs bro is up to something why did that why did the airplane get sent to the timeout chair it had bad altitude what did the astronaut cook in his skillet unidentified flying objects and finally number 50 why do opera singers make good sailors they can handle the right seas.
And that s it that s 50 puns right there right now thank you everybody for watching make sure you i got 50. More. What s luckier than finding a heads up penny finding a heads up quarter. Why aren t planets social because they need their space.
Which punctuation mark would win the race that would be the why did the football game keep ending in the woods. Because the quarterback kept you on high what does christmas have to do with a lost cat in the desert. They both have sandy claws. Why did drag you uh take his cough medicine to stop his coffin.
What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down it gets towed away what do fish sing during christmas christmas corals. What is the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher getting lost. What did the ghost teachers say to her class all right watch. The board and i ll go through it again.
What is the best tool in the ocean. A hammerhead shark. What do snowmen like for breakfast ice krispies. What cooking utensil does captain hook a pain.
What do winnie the pooh and kermit. The frog have in common the same middle name oh would you like these batteries. They re free of charge. What did the plate.
Say to the fork lunch is on me the bowling alley is a great place to get new tires..
Because they always have spares now. What is a kangaroo s favorite drink a juice pouch. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches. A nervous shipra.
How much money does a pirate pay for corn. A buccaneer. Okay. I m a big fan of white boards.
They re so remarkable. Why can t you walk behind a car because then you ll just be exhausted. Now. What was the turkey thankful for on thanksgiving vegetarians.
Why was king arthur s army too tired to fight because it had too many sleepless nights. Which country s capital had the fastest growing population ireland because every day its dublin. I asked my french friend if she played video games. And she said wait okay.
So yesterday a clown held the door open for me. And i thought wow. That is such a nice gesture. Okay the time machine at the coin factory suddenly stopped working with no explanation.
It doesn t make any sense. So son would you do a school today we did a guessing game. But i thought you were having a math exam. That s right teacher would you punish me for something i didn t do no i never would why okay good cuz.
I didn t do my homework why are pigs bad drivers because they always hog the road. What did one slice of bread say to the other hey stop loafing around knock knock. Who s there jess jess who just me and my shadow. When do trees fall in september.
Why did the bridge ask for pen and paper because it was a drawbridge knock knock who s there beats b2 beats..
Me okay why is mail that goes by c called cargo but mail that goes by land is shipment explain what did the red wires. Say when the white wire. Asked for it to come out and play sorry and grounded have you heard the joke about the roof. Never mind.
It s over your head is it this beastly weather. We re having what do you mean it s raining cats and dogs mister student. Why are you wearing so much makeup. I thought you said we re having a makeup test.
Why are minors so solitary because they mind their own business. What do you call fake pasta. An imposter what kind of music do pilgrims listen to plymouth rock. What do you get when you cross a pig and dress a park jurassic pork.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede bacon and lights why was sir lancelot. Always so tired because he always worked the night shift. What sound does a limping turkey make wobb wobb. How does the human torch.
Like his s. mores. Bert and finally for real. The last one hey did you hear about the guy who got hit by the pepsi can no is he okay yes.
But luckily. It was a soft drink and that s it that is 100 puns thank you for everybody for watching make sure you subscribe. So you can see more of my stuff and bye. ” .
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