“Silvija mazurenko nreviewer cihan ekmek. I tennessee williams once told us and you realize that that what you see nis all you ll ever be and then you accept it you kill yourself laughter or you stop looking in mirrors. Laughter and speaking of mirrors. Nsomeone else once said.
We re certain to crash ninto a light post. i ve spent the last four years of my life. Nstudying people who look in mirrors. Rearview and otherwise nin.
Their search for self awareness. I wanted to know nwhat self awareness. Really is where it comes from why we need it and how to get more of it. My research team surveyed nquantitatively thousands of people.
We analyzed nearly 800 scientific studies. And we conducted. Dozens nof in depth. Interviews with people who made dramatic nimprovements in their self awareness.
Now initially. We were actually so worried nthat. We wouldn t find any of these people that we called them nself awareness unicorns laughter true. But thank goodness we did find them because what these unicorns taught me would create a ground breaking revelation for how all of us can find ngenuine self awareness.
And that s what i want to share with you today. I want you to reflect non how you re reflecting. I know that s a mouthful and to get there nwe re going to need to shatter one of the most widely held beliefs nabout finding self awareness. But first things first what is this thing we call nself awareness anyway.
It s the ability to see ourselves clearly to understand who we are nhow others see us and how we fit into the world self awareness gives us power. We might not always like what we see. But there s a comfort nin knowing ourselves. And there s actually a ton of research showing that people who are self aware nare.
More fulfilled they have stronger relationships they re more creative they re more confident nand better communicators. They are less likely to lie ncheat and steal they perform better at work nand are more promotable and they re more effective leaders nwith more profitable companies in the world of self awareness. Nthere are two types of people those who think they re self aware laughter and those who actually are it s true. My team has found that 95 of people nthink they re self aware laughter but.
The real number nis closer to 10 to 15 . You know what this means don t you laughter. It. Means that on a good day non.
A good day 80 of us are lying to ourselves laughter about whether we re lying to ourselves laughter pretty scary right so you can imagine the challenge. We had nin figuring out who was truly self aware what do you think nwould ve happened. If i had said exactly so to be part of our research nour unicorns had to clear four hurdles. They had to believe they were self aware as measured by an assessment nmy team developed and validated using that same assessment nsomeone.
Who knew them well had to agree they had to believe that they d increased ntheir self awareness in their life..
And the person rating. Them had to agree we found 50 people out of hundreds and hundreds nand hundreds. Who met our criteria they were professionals entrepreneurs nartists students stay at home parents and we didn t find any patterns. Nby industry age gender or any other demographic.
Characteristic these unicorns helped my team ndiscover a most surprising truth that approach you re using to examine your thoughts your feelings nand your motives you know introspection well you re probably doing it there s no easy way to say this you re probably doing it totally wrong. Yes. There is a reason nso. Few of us are self aware so let me tell you about the evening that i first discovered the ugly truth nabout.
Introspection it was about 10 pm. On a beautiful ncolorado spring evening and i was in my office hopped up on diet coke nand smartfood popcorn laughter and i just analyzed a set of data and to say that i was surprised nwould be an understatement. My team and i had just run a simple study looking at the relationship nbetween introspection and things like happiness. Nstress and job satisfaction.
Naturally. The people who introspected nwould be better off wouldn t you think so our data told. The exact opposite story people who introspected nwere. More stressed and depressed less satisfied with their jobs nand their relationships less in control of their lives.
I had no idea what was going on and it got worse these negative consequences increased nthe more they introspected laughter so i was quite confused later that week. I ended up ncoming across a 20 year old study that looked at how widowers nadjusted to life without their partners. The researchers found that those who try to understand nthe meaning of their loss were happier less depressed none month later but one year later nwere more depressed they were fixated on what happened ninstead of moving forward. Have you been there.
I have self analysis can trap us nin. A mental hell of our own making. So things were starting to make sense. Now you die.
Hard self awareness. Fans and particularly introspection fans nin. The audience might be thinking. But it s worth it because of the insight.
It produces and you re right. I m not here today to tell you that the pursuit of self awareness nis. A waste of time not at all i am here to tell you that the way nyou re pursuing it doesn t work here is the surprising reality thinking about ourselves nisn t related to knowing ourselves. So to understand this let s look at the most common nintrospective question.
We might be searching nfor. The cause of a bad mood. Why am. I so upset nafter that fight with my friend or we might be questioning our beliefs.
Why don t i believe in the death penalty or we might be trying nto understand a negative outcome. Unfortunately when we ask it doesn t lead us towards the truth nabout ourselves. It leads us away from it there are so many reasons nthis is the case today. I ll give you two here is the first reason nwe shouldn t ask why researchers have found that no matter how hard we try we can t excavate our unconscious nthoughts feelings and motives and because so much is hidden nfrom.
Our conscious awareness..
We end up inventing answers. Nthat feel true. But are often very wrong let me give you an example psychologists. Timothy wilson nand.
Richard nisbett set up a card table outside their local meijers thrifty store nin ann arbor michigan and on that card table they laid out nfour identical pairs of pantyhose and they asked the people nwalking by to pick their favorite laughter. Now consumer research shows that people ntend to prefer products on the right. And that s exactly what happened even though every pair was identical people chose pair d. Nat.
A rate of four to one and when asked why they have chosen nthe pair. They had they confidently declared. Nthat. Pair d.
Was just better laughter and even get this even. When the researchers told them nabout the effect of positioning. They refused to believe it the second reason nasking is that it leads us away nfrom. Our true nature we like to think of our brains nas supercomputers rationally analyzing information nand arriving at accurate conclusions.
Unfortunately that s not what happens let s do a quick exercise. That s based non. Another classic psychology study. So if i were to ask you to make a list of all the reasons.
Your romantic nrelationship was going the way it was what would you say let s say that in general nyour relationship is pretty awesome. But let s just pretend that yesterday you happened to get in a huge fight about the proper way nto load. The dishwasher laughter really bad now because of something ncalled. This is going to carry nan unfair amount of weight you might start thinking of things like n laughter or you might think and before you know it you re thinking your relationship.
Nis. N t going. So well laughter. Asking laughter and over time this leads us naway from who we really are it clouds our self perceptions.
So you might be wondering if asking it s probably not going nto increase our self awareness. But don t worry i m not here today to tell you nto stop thinking about yourselves. I am. Here to tell you to start doing.
It njust a little bit differently. So if we shouldn t ask do you remember nour self awareness unicorns when we looked at how they approached nintrospection. We found the answer. We analyzed literally hundreds nof pages of transcripts.
And we saw a very clear pattern. Although the word the word let me give you a few examples nathan. A brand manager got a terrible performance review. Nfrom.
His new boss instead of asking n..
He asked it changed everything people now point to nathan and his boss as proof that polar opposites ncan. Work together sarah an education leader was diagnosed nwith breast cancer in her late 40s and when she asked. She said. It felt like a death sentence.
So then she asked this helped her define. What she wanted her life to look like nin whatever time she had left. She s now cancer free and more focused on the relationships nthat mean the most to her jose. An entertainment nindustry veteran hated his job and instead of getting stuck nwhat.
Most of us would do and ask he asked and what do they have in common he quickly realized that he would nnever be happy in this job. And it gave him the courage to pursue a new and far more fulfilling ncareer path as a wealth manager. So these are just three examples of dozens of unicorns that asked n do i have any nathans or sarahs nor joses in the room. I ll add one more tasha so earlier this year.
I published na book about all of this which i am so proud of but one day for some unknown reason. I did what every author nis. Never supposed to do i read my amazon reviews laughter and you guys. It was devastating.
I asked about a book that i spent nthousands of hours researching and wrote to make their lives better right. I fell into a spiral of self loathing. It was honestly one nof the low points of my life. A couple of weeks went by and it dawned on me.
That maybe i should take nmy own advice laughter. So i tried a different question. I asked who were telling me that my book nhas helped them change their lives what a different outcome. So no i wasn t doing it right either.
This is not an easy world is it not at all laughter. She knows we all know. But i have seen so much evidence that self awareness ngives us a much better shot at finding happiness. And success nin.
This crazy world to start. We just need nto change. One simple word change. Why questions trap us nin that rearview mirror.
What questions move us nforward to our future as human beings. We are blessed nwith the ability to understand who we are what we want to contribute nand the kind of life. We want to lead remember our self awareness unicorns nhad. Nothing in common except.
A belief in the importance nof self awareness and a daily commitment to developing. It that means we can all be unicorns the search for self awareness nnever ever stops life goes on it s up to us to choose to learn and grow from our mistakes and our tragedies nand our successes one of the best quotes. I ve ever heard non this subject is from rumi. He said today i m wise so i am changing myself thank you very much ” .
Thank you for watching all the articles on the topic Increase your self-awareness with one simple fix Tasha Eurich TEDxMileHigh . All shares of thetruthaboutdow.org are very good. We hope you are satisfied with the article. For any questions, please leave a comment below. Hopefully you guys support our website even more.
“Self-awareness has countless proven benefits — stronger relationships, higher performance, more effective leadership. Sounds pretty great, right? Here s the bad news: 95% of people think that they re self-aware, but only 10-15% actually are! Luckily, Tasha Eurich has a simple solution that will instantly improve your self-awareness. As a third-generation entrepreneur, Dr. Tasha Eurich was born with a passion for business, pairing her scientific savvy in human behavior with a practical approach to solving business challenges. As an organizational psychologist, she s helped thousands of leaders improve their effectiveness, from Fortune 500 executives to early-stage entrepreneurs. Her new book, Insight, reveals the findings of her three-year research program on self-awareness, which she calls the meta-skill of the 21st century. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx”,
TEDxTalks, English, Social Science, Personal growth, Psychology, Self, Self improvement, Self-help